


Our Insecurities Do Not Define Us

by FandomsUnite17



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Language/Cursing, OC Lucian Sanders/Deprived, OC Pax Sanders/Despondency, OC Reagan Sanders/Humility, OC Veeran Sanders/Dependency
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomsUnite17/pseuds/FandomsUnite17
Summary: Virgil, Roman, Patton, and Logan each have a barbie-doll-sized lookalike of themselves, with their own representations and names. They each represent their host's biggest insecurities, their biggest flaws, the things their host is the most afraid of being discovered as having.Roman is the most afraid of the others finding out how much he hates himself sometimes, how much of a failure he feels like.Virgil is afraid of the others finding out how much he's discovered he needs them. How much he can't stand being alone for fear of leaving them and never getting to see them again. For fear of being truly alone again.Patton is afraid of the others finding out how much he wonders about the point of it all. Of fighting to do the right thing, when in reality, he isn't even sure if the right thing exists at all.And Logan is afraid of the others finding out how desperately he longs for companionship and touch. Oh, how he so violently and furiously longs for touch.This will all be out in the open sooner than they'd like, and they'll have to adjust very fast.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter One

Virgil sighed as he sank out to his room. What an argument that was… Him, Patton, and Thomas had bantered back and forth for nearly forty minutes and he had no idea what his tiny doppelganger had been doing the entire time. He could only hope that, like all the other times, he had obeyed and stayed in Virgil’s room where he belonged.  
It was about a year ago that this tiny version of himself had appeared. It didn’t take long to figure out what he represented — Virgil’s insecurities. Virgil had been unable to get rid of him, and so he had decided that his best bet would just be to make sure that no one ever found out about the physical manifestation of his own biggest insecurities. Virgil had decided to dub this manifestation ‘Dependency’.  
Virgil sighed as he went back downstairs. “Dependency! This isn’t funny! Look, I’m sorry I was gone so long, okay?! I was arguing with Patton. Do you want me to tell you about Patton? I can do that! Uh… Do you want to snuggle? Ugh, Dependency, please!” He was starting to get frantic as he searched the house for the third time. Was he not in here? Had he left Virgil’s room?! Oh, no, was he in the commons?! No, no, no!  
Virgil took one more frantic look around before sinking out into the commons.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman had just sat back down to his movie with an armful of snacks. A few minutes later, he heard a small laugh and looked down to see a one-foot man staring at him from the coffee table. A one-foot man dressed exactly like Virgil. One who was laughing… at him! “Oh, man! He was right! He was so right! You’re like a himbo, except you’re not even that pretty!”  
“Excuse me?! Who are you? Wait, no, who’s ‘he’?!”  
“My host, obviously. And he calls me Dependency. And he’s so cruel! Always leaving me alone! No one to talk to! Imprisoning me in my own room!”  
“How dare you speak of our Thomas that way?!”  
“Whoever said anything about Thomas? Aw man, you really are stupid!” He paused a moment to laugh hysterically. “Thomas isn’t my host!”  
“Wha…? But how can he not be?! You’re in Thomas’s mind!”  
“Yeah? So? So is my host.”  
“Wait, wait… so you’re saying that one of us is your host?! Who are you?!”  
“I told you, I’m Dependency.”  
“Yeah, but whose dependency?!”  
He looked down at his outfit, raising one eyebrow as he looked back up. “You’re kidding, right?”  
Roman was about to respond when he was interrupted by a voice. “No, no, no, no!” Virgil rushed over. “Dude, what the hell are you doing out here?!”  
Dependency groaned. “I was fuckin’ bored! You left me! Alone! For an hour! Alone!”  
“It was not an hour! And you-” Virgil glanced at Roman, then snatched up his barbie-doll-sized lookalike and sank out.  
Roman was left behind, blinking back a number of emotions as the pieces all began slowly clicking together. That new side he just met… his host is… Virgil… And that means… That side he just met is a part of Virgil’s personality… And he called himself Dependency… Does that mean… That he… That maybe Roman… wasn’t the only one?  
Roman jumped to his feet and sank out to his own room, immediately rushing over to his own tiny lookalike, who was on the arm of the couch eating something. “Reagan! Did you see that?! Were you watching with my vision just now?!”  
Reagan nervously looked up, looking more disappointed in himself than anything. “N-No… I wasn’t... I’m useless...”  
“No, you’re not! Not at all! I just found something out!”  
“Oh? What is it?”  
“You know how you represent my… lesser aspects?” Reagan ducked his head shamefully but nodded. “Virgil has one too! One of whatever you are! A little miniature him who represents his own insecurities! I just met him in the commons!”  
“Really? That’s amazing! But… why would you want to tell someone like me about something that awesome…?”  
“Because, Reagan, I love you. I love all of me! I just can’t believe Virgil has one too! And he never told us!”  
“We’ve never told any of them either though… We’re worse than him…”  
“Oh, fooey! We’re not any worse than anyone! We’ll tell them when we’re ready. Okay?” Reagan nodded. “Virgil’s little doppelganger called himself Dependency. That’s like his title, right?”  
Reagan nodded and answered quietly. “Yeah, I think so. Like how I’m Humility… But also Reagan…”  
“So then little Dependency must also have a personal name! But wait a second, what does dependency mean, anyway? That’s like being dependant? Being dependant on Thomas maybe?”  
Reagan shrugged. “I’m sorry… I’m an idiot.”  
“Oh, of course, you’re not. Because if you’re an idiot then that means I’m an idiot. And, well… we all know I’m not an idiot.” He laughed nervously, growing awkwardly silent.  
Then he gasped. “Oh my gosh, Reagan, what if the others had little mini-them’s too! Like little mini Patton and Logan lookalikes!”  
“You think so?”  
“I mean, it’s certainly possible! If I have you, and Virgil has his own little side, then it would make sense that Patton and Logan have their own too! Right?! I have got to go ask them!”  
“But…” Reagan looked down at himself. “You would have to tell them about… me…”  
Roman’s face dropped. “Oh… right…” He was torn between wanting to know if the others had their own insecurities and being terrified of revealing his own… But maybe… Maybe if he just told one person? Maybe… Patton wouldn’t make fun of him for having a Humility… right?  
After half an hour of hesitation, he sank out into Patton’s room, holding Reagan in both hands behind his back. He saw Patton sitting in his living room, facing away from him, and he cleared his throat. Patton flinched and scrambled to his feet, looking around in a panic. “Uh, R-Roman! Hi! Uh, what’s up?”  
Roman took a deep breath. “Um… I have something I need to ask you, but first… I’ll have to… show you something… I’m not particularly proud of…”  
Patton’s face softened. “Aw, well I’m proud of you for being willing to show me!”  
Roman laughed nervously. “Thank you, Patton… Uh, this isn’t just an average thing… It’s more of a confession… Of something I’ve been… hiding…”  
“Hiding? Why? Is something wrong?”  
He cleared his throat nervously. “With me, maybe… yeah…”  
“Why would you say that?! Whatever you’ve been hiding, I’m sure you had your reasons! Plus, you’re showing me now, right?”  
Roman took a deep breath, forced a smile, and brought Reagan around to the front, giving him a moment to get situated before looking up to see Patton’s reaction.  
Patton was staring intently, eyes wide. He looked amazed, and he was silent for a long while. Finally, he looked up at Roman.  
Roman’s stomach did an anxious backflip as Patton looked up at him. What did he think? Was he disappointed? Was he angry? But Patton merely smiled at him. That was a good sign, right?!  
“He’s gorgeous. Who is he?”  
“U-Um…” Roman laughed, letting relief flood him. “He’s… he’s a part of me. He’s a side to my own personality, I guess. Uh… meet Reagan.”  
Patton smiled widely down at Reagan, who glanced up at him nervously. “Hi, Reagan! It’s great to meet you!” Then Patton looked back up and addressed Roman. “What does he.. represent?”  
Roman hesitated. “He’s… he’s my… humility. My… self-doubt, and… unassuredness…”  
“Oh…” He smiled back, clearly refraining himself from making a particular comment. “Um… How are you doing, Reagan?”  
Reagan blinked. “I guess… pretty good? For being such a failure today… this day hasn’t actually been that bad.”  
“Oh. What makes you think you’re a failure? What have you failed at?”  
“What haven’t I failed at is an easier question to answer…”  
Patton glanced up at Roman only to see him looking away shamefully. Patton smiled. “Well… I for one think you’re both amazing no matter what you’re doing!”  
Roman looked back at him, smiling. “Thank you, Patton. Really.”  
Reagan nodded. “Even though you’re wrong… thank you.”  
Patton tries to answer, but halfway through the first word Roman is pulled downwards into the floor.  
Blinking in shock, Roman is pulled up violently. “Ow!”  
“I can’t let you tell anyone about…”  
The voice trailed off, and Roman looked up to see Virgil staring at the small side sitting on his hands. Virgil had summoned him to Virgil’s own room. They stared at each other for a few awkwardly long seconds before Roman spun Reagan out of view, and they both shouted over each other at once.  
Virgil glared hard. “No, no way, shut up, Roman! I saw that! I saw that! Was that what I think?!”  
“It’s none of your business even if it was!”  
“It became my business when you saw Dependency!”  
“Oh, like that was my fault! So what if I saw your little doppelganger?!”  
“So what?! I just saw yours! What if I went and told Patton and Logan about him?!”  
“Well… Patton knows…”  
Virgil was about to argue back but hesitated when he saw Roman’s expression. “Look. I just need to warn you not to tell anyone, and I mean anyone at all, what you saw. Or, who you saw. Whatever! My point is, Dependency stays a secret…. Okay?”  
Roman nodded stiffly. “As long as… Reagan stays a secret too.”  
“Reagan?” Virgil snorted.  
“What’s wrong with his name?!”  
“Nothing, nothing… So…”  
They were both interrupted by a voice screaming from upstairs. “Virgil! You’re coming back, right?”  
Virgil flinched and turned to shout back. “Yeah! I’m coming back, just a sec!” Slowly, face growing hot with embarrassment, he looked back at Roman.  
Roman cleared his throat awkwardly. “Better go.” Virgil nodded silently and finally started to turn. “Uh, wait! Before you do…” Virgil looked back at him. “Could I maybe… meet him? Officially? A-And you could… meet… mine, I guess…”  
Virgil stared for a minute. “Fine. But I get to meet yours.”  
Roman nodded. “They can meet each other.”  
Virgil just gave him a look, so he stayed silent as he followed Virgil upstairs to the bedroom. Virgil hesitated at the door. “Uh, just stay out here for a minute. I’ll be back in a second.”  
Roman nodded. “Can do.”  
So Virgil slipped inside and returned a few minutes later to open the door and let Roman in. Roman stepped in silently, looking around the room. Dependency saw him before he could spot the tiny side himself. “Oh, hey! It’s you, from earlier! I thought I’d never see you again!”  
“Oh, um…” He smiled as he stepped over to the nightstand the tiny side was sitting on. “Thanks, I guess? I’m Ro-”  
“I know. He’s told me aaall about you.”  
Roman raised one eyebrow and glanced over at Virgil. “I-It’s not like that! He makes me talk about all of you!”  
“He makes you, huh?” Roman grinned. “So you’ve heard of me, little guy?”  
“Veeran.”  
“What?”  
“My name… is Veeran. Don’t you even try to fucking baby-talk me. You hear me?!”  
“Uh, yeah! Loud and clear… Uh, Veeran…”  
There was a long, awkward pause broken by Veeran’s suddenly small-sounding voice. “You’re not coming back to see me, are you? You hate me… right?”  
Roman shook his head. “No, no! I like you fine! I’ll come back! As long as Virgil lets me.” He glanced over to Virgil, only to see him with his head hung, hood up and half-covering a face red with embarrassment. He almost smiled. Virgil was embarrassed about his little insecurity. Just like he was… about his own… Finally Roman cleared his throat, causing Virgil to look up slightly. “I believe I promised a meeting?”  
Virgil looked up, and Roman set Reagan down on the nightstand beside Veeran, who was immediately excited. “Oh my gosh, you’re my size! Hi! Oh, are you Roman’s?” Reagan nodded. “Nice. I’m Veeran. Uh, Virgil’s. Nice to meet you.”  
“You don’t have to lie…”  
“Like hell I lied! When?!”  
“You said it’s nice to meet me… I know that’s not true… You don’t have to force pleasantries around me… There’s no point wasting your energy on me.”  
Virgil glanced at Roman, both eyebrows raised, only to see Roman was turned away from him. He could see the tips of Roman’s ears getting red. Virgil slowly looked back down to the two tiny sides to see Veeran looking up at him, lost. He decided to speak up. “And if he wants to so say ‘waste’ his energy on you? If he’s enjoying himself… then are you saying it’s a waste of time for him to entertain himself?”  
Reagan’s eyes widened. “No! No, of course not! I just…”  
“You can’t be that bad to be around.”  
“You’d be surprised…”  
Virgil rolled his eyes. “Sure. Look, Veeran likes you. So if you say you’re a bad person to be around, then you’d also be saying Veeran’s an idiot.”  
“N-No! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to… to claim anything like that! Veeran, I… I’m so sorry! I don’t think that at all!”  
Veeran cracked a sideways grin. “Cool. I’ll forgive you… under one condition.”  
“What condition…? I might not be able to…”  
“Sure you can. You just gotta compliment yourself.”  
“Compliment myself…?”  
“Yeah. You gotta say something you like about yourself.”  
“But… There isn’t anything I like about myself…”  
“So come up with something. Something you’re good at? Something you like about your looks?”  
“Well, I guess… I kinda like how I look, I guess.”  
“There, done. How hard was that?”  
Reagan blinked. “That was it? I’m… done?”  
Veeran burst out laughing. “Oh, man, that’s good! Yes! That’s what complimenting yourself is!”  
“Oh… I wish there were more things I could compliment myself on…”  
Veeran and Virgil groaned in unison but refrained from any further reaction at seeing Roman hang his head. Virgil cleared his throat pointedly. “So, uh… He represents… like, self-doubt?”  
Roman flinched. “Uh, y-yeah, s-sort of. H-Humility, so… c-close enough…”  
Virgil nodded, shifting uncomfortably. “Can we, uh… Can we be done with the whole…?”  
Roman nodded and rushed over to pick up Reagan. “Yes! Yes, that… yeah.” Still keeping his face turned away, Roman hugged Reagan to his chest and sank out.  
Virgil immediately let out a long breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He was gone. Roman was gone. He was gone, but he knew. What did he think? He could hear Veeran rambling nearby, panicked, causing him to panic even worse. “Veeran would you shut up?!” The room went quiet. “Okay. Okay. It can’t be that bad, can it?”  
“But he’s gonna hate us now! Now that he knows what I am, he’s gonna hate me and he’ll hate you for having me in the first place…”  
“Yeah, I know!”  
After a long silent minute, Veeran spoke up. “Virgil?”  
“What?”  
“He’s never coming back, is he?”  
Virgil froze. Finally, he sighed and muttered an answer. “I don’t know, Dependency. I honestly don’t know.”


	2. Chapter Two

Patton took a deep breath, trying to slow his pacing. “Patton? You don’t think he knows?”  
Patton looked down at his miniature lookalike, who was sitting on the kitchen counter. “I’m not sure, Pax. I don’t think so? Ugh, I don’t know! I mean, he did say he had something to ask me too, so… Maybe? Maybe he’s suspicious, but he doesn’t know for sure…”  
“Patton?”  
“Yeah?”  
“What are we gonna do now that they know?”  
“Well, maybe they don’t know!”  
“Not yet… But even if they don’t right now, they will know… eventually… and then they’ll know that you really don’t have any idea what you’re doing… that maybe you’ve been leading Thomas the wrong way his whole life…”  
Patton sighed and hung his head. “Does it really matter if they know?”  
“Even if you have been wrong, you don’t deserve to lose your friends…”  
“But is it right to… to withhold the truth like this? Do I deserve to have them when I’m not telling them the truth?”  
Pax pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. “Is it right to tell them? Is it right to not tell them? Is there a right way to handle this at all? I feel like whatever we choose to do… we’re going to end up losing them either way…”  
Patton moaned quietly and hugged himself. “That’s what I’m afraid of…”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Logan sank into his room, preparing himself for whatever kind of mess Deprived had made of their space. At first, nothing seemed out of place. He looked around the living room, confused. Whenever he left for more than a mere ten minutes Deprived always became furious enough to practically tear the entire place apart.  
Then he heard the crash, and a long, seething scream. Logan winced and sighed. “Deprived! I’ve returned, you can stop destroying the mindscape.”  
In seconds the doll-sized man bounded down the stairs and ran straight for him. “Logan you asshole! What the hell is wrong with you?!”  
Logan sighed and picked up his miniature lookalike, cradling him against his chest. Deprived beat him repeatedly, violently, and not painlessly in the least. He kicked and screamed and beat and pounded and bit him and dug his nails into Logan’s skin straight through his shirt while Logan simply sat on the couch and rocked him gently, humming quietly.  
Roughly fifteen minutes later, Deprived finally calmed down. He stopped thrashing and stopped screaming and hollering and he finally curled into himself slightly and snuggled into Logan’s chest, mumbling occasionally about how good it felt to be touched, how much he missed Logan when he left, how much it hurt, emotionally, to be alone, to not snuggle or sit on someone’s shoulder or lay against their chest. Logan responded softly as he went about restoring the mess of the upstairs. “I know. I know you hate it… I’m back now… Yes, I am… No, I’m here, it’s okay… Yes, that’s right…”  
Once Logan was done repairing the upstairs, he moved Deprived onto his shoulder and tried to repair the bruises and cuts Deprived had given him, but it wouldn’t work. He could still feel all of the tiny wounds. Sighing, Logan sat down on the bed. The last time he’d been physically hurt by anyone aside from Deprived it was Remus who had hurt him, and that time he’d been able to repair himself instantaneously. But Remus has no effect on him whatsoever. Remus stands for something that he knows has no authority in Thomas’s line of reasoning, so naturally, he would be completely unable to fully affect him, but Deprived… Deprived has had more effect on him than any other being, real or otherwise, he has ever encountered. When Deprived gets furious like today, he gets snappy and irritable. And the things Deprived does to affect him physically… if he can repair it at all, it takes quite a while. Sometimes hours. He’s never been able to repair it before once it gets past twenty-four-hours, so after that point, he knows it will have to heal on its own. He hoped that wasn’t going to be the case with his current wounds. A few of them were bleeding and to be honest, the bruises were painful and bothersome.  
He went downstairs into the bathroom and maneuvered Deprived around as he removed his shirt to examine the injuries. “I may as well treat them now in case any of them stay.” Deciding, he set Deprived back on his shoulder and gathered first aid supplies to begin taking care of at least the cuts.  
“Logan… I’m sorry…”  
Logan paused in cleaning a cut and sighed. “It’s quite alright. I won’t blame you for getting angry.”  
“Thank you.” Logan nodded in response and continued treating his wounds.  
Once Logan had finished and managed to get his shirt back on without letting go of Deprived, he decided to do some research, as per usual. “Logan, why are you always reading? This is all stuff you already know!”  
“I am aware. As I’ve told you an unreasonable number of times now, I am refreshing my memory to keep my knowledge at the forefront of my mind.”  
Deprived groaned. “Again…”  
“Well, what would you have me do instead?”  
“Well, you could do the same thing, I guess, but in a different way at least! Perhaps we could… review what we know of astronomy in the form of, say… a documentary?”  
Logan forced back a smile. “I think we can do that. Although don’t think I don’t realize that the only reason you’re suggesting this is because you wish for a better… cuddle environment, as Patton calls it.”  
“So what? I get to cuddle, which means I’m happy, and you’re happy because I’m happy, and we get to watch an astronomy documentary in the process!”  
Logan sighed in defeat. “I suppose that is a rather… beneficial activity…”  
“So we’re doing it?”  
“Fine, yes. We can watch a documentary.”  
“And snuggle!”  
“Yes, and snuggle as well.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been almost a month since Roman had discovered Dependency, and Virgil was torn between being terrified of being in the same room as Roman and desperately wanting to invite Roman back just to shut Veeran up. “Can you at least ask him? Please?”  
“Dependency, I said no. I’m not talking to him. Especially not about you. I should be able to control you, I should have been able to control you when…” Virgil shook his head. “He doesn’t wanna see you anyway. He won’t even come into my general vicinity. He can’t stand being anywhere near me. And I hardly blame him… I wouldn’t wanna be around me either… after discovering half of my personality is basically a facade… That I’ve basically been lying the whole time…”  
“Technically I’m only a year old now, so you’ve only been hiding me for a year… And besides, are you forgetting that he has his own insecurity too?”  
“So what? That doesn’t have anything to do with me! What he does, I can’t control that. But I can control what I do, and I chose to keep you a secret. I chose that, so I gotta take responsibility. And responsibility means… Roman hating me. And that means he hates you too. So I’m not gonna ask him to come back, okay?!”  
“But what if-”  
“What if nothing! He doesn’t like us anymore, okay?! Can you just drop the subject?! For once in your life, can I just be enough for you?! Why?! Why do you always need them?! It’s Roman this, Patton that, did you see Logan today, what happened today, did you talk to them, when can I meet them, I’m tired of it! I’m sick and fucking tired of it being all about them! Why can’t I just be happy by myself?!” Virgil screamed in frustration and plopped to the floor, pounding his fists on his knees. “What is wrong with me?!”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patton flinched. Thomas. What was wrong? Patton sank out into the real world and found Thomas collapsed on the floor in his hallway, hands in his hair, crying. “Thomas! What’s wrong, what happened?” He dropped to his knees and set a hand on Thomas’s shoulder. “Hey, talk to me, Kiddo…”  
“Patton, what’s wrong with me?!”  
“What do you mean? What happened?”  
“I don’t know! That’s the problem! Nothing happened! I just… It just... I don’t know!”  
“Okay, just breathe… What could cause…?” His eyes widened. “Virgil! Okay, Thomas? I gotta go. I think something’s wrong with Virgil.” Thomas nodded silently, so Patton stood and sank out.  
He rose in Virgil’s room and immediately his eyes darted to the hallway, where Virgil was on the floor in the same spot as Thomas, crying and screaming furiously. “What is wrong with me?!”  
Patton’s hand shot to his mouth and he rushed over and dropped to his knees beside Virgil. “Virgil, are you okay?! What happened? Virgil, can you hear me?”  
For a moment he didn’t respond, but finally, he seemed to register that Patton was there and he flinched. He turned, about to grab for something, but he stopped. He stopped, and stared, and turned back towards Patton, and stared… “Virgil? Are you okay?”  
He stared for a moment, face screwed up… Then finally he sighed and his whole body went limp. Patton caught him as he fell over and pulled him to lean back against himself so Patton could hug him from behind. “Virgil, can you hear me?” A weak nod. “What happened?”  
There was a long few minutes with no answer. Then, finally, he spoke, his whole body still limp, head lolled hopelessly to the side. “I give up, Patton. I can’t do it anymore. The secrets. The loneliness. I can’t do it. I just can’t keep hiding it…”


	3. Chapter Three

“Hiding what? What’s wrong?”  
Virgil made a sound halfway between a defeated scoff and a sob. Then he lifted a single hand and pointed at Dependency, who was standing nearby, tears running down his face. Patton looked up and gasped quietly. “Well, what’s wrong with him?”  
Virgil’s mind froze for a moment. “What…?”  
“He looks fine to me.”  
Virgil sighed. “You don’t get it, he… he’s…”  
“He’s the physical embodiment of your insecurities.”  
Virgil lifted his head. “What?!”  
Patton smiled as Virgil scrambled off of him, sniffling and wiping his face dry. “He’s a part of you. He’s your insecurities… right?”  
Virgil blinked, rubbed his eyes forcefully… “How do you…?”  
Patton smiled gently. “How do I know?” Virgil nodded. “Well… Because…” He took a deep breath. He was realizing just now what he would have to do. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them, and summoned Pax. “Uh, meet Pax.”  
Pax and Virgil stared at each other, dumbstruck. “Wh-What the…?”  
“You’re showing him? But, Patton, I thought…”  
“It’s okay, Pax… He had to find out eventually, right?”  
Virgil shook his head. “I… find… what?!” He looked back up at Patton desperately.  
“This is Pax. He’s the manifestation of my own insecurities…”  
Virgil stared, eyebrows furrowed, stuttering wildly until finally, he dropped his shoulders with a sigh. "So, does... Does Logan have one too? Does everyone have one? If Logan has one too, then… then all of you…?" He looked straight up and threw his arms out. "Are you kidding me?!"  
Patton cocked his head to one side. "You know about Roman's…?"  
Virgil looked straight at Patton. "What, you knew too?!"  
Patton nodded. "About Reagan?"  
"Yeah… oh, man… How long have you known?"  
"Um… I think it's been almost a month now... What about you?"  
"S-Same…" Virgil shook his head, then slowly looked down at Veeran, who was practically bouncing with excitement.   
Veeran looked at him pleadingly, and Virgil sighed and nodded, looking away shamefully as Veeran ran over to Patton. "Hi! Oh gosh, you're Patton! Right?! I have been waiting so so long to meet you! Oh, man! This is happening! Uh, I'm Veeran! Hi!"  
Virgil wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting. Surprise? Being overwhelmed? Anger over the fact that he'd been keeping secrets? Maybe all of the above? Whatever it was, he definitely wasn't expecting a giggle!  
Virgil's head shot up to see Patton smiling down at Veeran. "Well hi there! Glad you're excited. It's pretty fun meeting you too."  
"Yeah?! You don't hate me?!"  
"Why would I?"  
"Well, cause I'm clingy as hell, and frankly I'm just annoying…"  
"Who told you that?"  
"Me, I guess."  
Patton smiled softly. "What if I told you you're not annoying at all?"  
Veeran blinked, surprised. "Oh? I'm not…?"  
"Nope! And what makes you think clingy is a bad thing?"  
"Uh… I, uh…" He stared blankly, completely at a loss for words.   
Virgil let out a chuckle, shaking his head. "I think you broke him."  
Patton smiled fondly. "He'll be okay, right?"  
"Oh, yeah, he'll be fine. He just needs a bit… So, uh… That really true?"  
"Hm? Is what true?"  
Virgil stared. He'd already forgotten. That hadn't even been a significant thing to him. He was just responding with whatever came to mind. So he hadn't even thought about the answer… He just said what he thought was right. So that was just… common knowledge to him. That was just another fact… Virgil shook his head. "Nevermind."  
There was an awkwardly silent moment where they glanced around the room avoiding eye contact. Then Pax spoke up. "So, Patton?"  
"Yeah?"  
Pax glanced awkwardly at Virgil. "This is…"  
"Oh, right! Pax, this is Virgil!"  
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Uh, hi."  
"Hey… Cool. Uh, Patton, could I ask something? Pretty personal?"  
"I guess so. Go ahead."  
"Okay, well… what exactly does Pax represent? Like, specifically?"  
Patton hummed. "Now that's really really hard to explain... Um… What’s that word you always call yourself, Pax?”  
“Despondency.”  
“Yeah, that! He sorta represents like how I’m unsure about some of the stuff I believe…? And how I can feel… a bit hopeless about it sometimes. And, uh, what does… Veeran, right?” Virgil nodded. “What exactly does he represent? Dependency, like… how you’re dependent on Thomas?”  
“Uh…” Virgil immediately started chewing on a thumb nail and looked away. “Like… sort of? No… It’s not about… Thomas… It’s…” He took a deep breath.  
Veeran blinked out of his daze suddenly and ran to Virgil in tears, pulling desperately at Virgil’s clothes. “No! No, you can’t! You can’t say it! They’ll… he’ll… he’ll leave, and…” Veeran’s shoulders started shaking with sobs. “And he’ll never wanna see us again either!”  
Virgil sat silent, shaking ever-so-slightly, lips pulled into a tight line, still chewing absently on a fingernail. “Virgil? Are you okay?” Virgil didn’t answer.  
Patton crawled over and slowly wrapped his arms around Virgil’s shoulders, pulling him up against him. “Hey. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” Virgil shook his head and failed at holding back his tears. “I always wanna see you, Virgil!”  
Veeran sobbed and shook his head. “No, no, no!”  
Patton carefully scooped up both Veeran and Pax with one hand and hugged them against his chest in between him and Virgil. “All three of you. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”  
Virgil shook his head. “You’re wrong. You don’t know-”  
“Then tell me, and let me prove it. Let me prove to you that whatever it is you have to say won’t change my opinion of you. Nothing could make me hate you!”  
Virgil took a deep, shaky breath. “Dependency doesn’t mean me being dependent on Thomas… He represents how much… I need you guys. You, Roman, Logan. I’m an entirely different person since I’ve… become friends with you guys, and… if I lost that… I’d shatter. I don’t know if I could live with myself, by myself… Whenever I’m alone, or whenever I do something that might have hurt one of you three, I… I can’t breathe… I don’t know how to live unless someone else is there showing me how to…” They could all feel Veeran’s heartbeat pounding violently throughout his entire body.  
Patton sniffled, still hugging them. “Virgil, do you know what that is?” Virgil shook his head against Patton’s shoulder. “That’s love. That’s familial, strong love. And it’s showing your weaknesses, it’s being comfortable around other people, actually comfortable.”  
For a moment no one spoke, then Virgil responded. “It’s weak. And pathetic.”  
“Yeah, it is weak. But it’s not pathetic. It’s just really new for you to feel something that… different, but… weak doesn’t have to be bad. Plus, if you show a little bit of your weaknesses, then maybe people around you will know how to make you feel more comfortable.”  
“You don’t get it. If… if I get comfortable, like completely comfortable, I can’t… scare Thomas when I need to. I can’t do my job if I get too comfortable…”  
“Well, then maybe we should find you a new job. I don’t mean stop being Anxiety. Thomas does need Anxiety, but you could be a different kind of Anxiety!”  
“A different kind? Anxiety doesn’t exactly have a whole lotta give. There’s not much to change…”  
“Well, I mean… I don’t mean to actually change what you’re doing, but just… change your outlook on it?”  
Virgil pulled out of the hug, cupping his hands to catch Veeran. “I don’t think I’m following…”  
“Well, I mean that… being afraid and being anxious are two different things, right? So can’t we find a way for you to still do your job to make Thomas be a little anxious so he can get things done, but… not have to scare him?”  
Before Virgil could respond, Pax spoke up. “You can’t say that! That’s probably not true! You’re gonna get him hopeful for nothing!”  
But Virgil shook his head. “No, no, I think… He might maybe have some semblance of a point… I guess… technically… there could possibly be a way to make Thomas anxious… without having to actually scare him… I guess…”  
“Really? You think?!” Virgil looked up at him and shrugged.  
Pax and Veeran stared at each other, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. For the first time in their lives, they both felt… relaxed. For the first time, they both felt just a little bit comfortable. Maybe… maybe being revealed wasn’t such a bad thing...


	4. Chapter Four

“Well Thomas, I’m glad we were able to get this predicament in order, but for now I have things to attend to. So goodbye.” Logan had sunk out before Thomas could do anything but wave.  
Roman sighed. “I, too, have things to get back to. So I will have to bid you a farewell.”  
Patton nodded. “Yup! Glad we could help!”  
Thomas waved. “Thanks for the advice guys!” They both nodded in response and sunk out, and Thomas turned to look at Virgil. “I’m guessin’ you gotta go too?”  
Virgil clicked his tongue. “You got it. See ya, Thomas.”  
“Bye, Virgil.” Virgil saluted and sank out, only to rise up facing a shocked Patton and Roman.  
“What?” They both pointed, and he turned. His expression matched theirs immediately. “What the…?” The common area was destroyed. Completely destroyed. Things were torn, smashed, spilled, and dumped everywhere. Crash! The contents of an open cupboard in the kitchen tumbled out and shattered on the floor.  
The three looked at each other and rushed over to the kitchen, where the culprit of this disaster finally showed himself. By peaking out of the cupboard. Which would have seemed strange, if said culprit wasn’t the perfect size to fit inside the cupboard’s top shelf. They glanced at each other, but before they could even start to wonder who exactly they were looking at right now, the tiny man screamed furiously. Whoosh!  
They flinched away from the glass as it shattered against the floor near their feet. They looked up, just in time to see the furious man chuck another dish at them. Virgil gestured wildly and they all backed away from the kitchen quickly, hoping to escape, but the man hopped right onto the counter and then grabbed the edge of a lower cupboard door and slid down. He followed them, finding various things to keep throwing at them as he screamed furiously. He wasn’t saying any words, just… screaming.  
Logan was immediately uncomfortable when he returned to his room only to find it in exactly the same condition it was in when he left. He had gone upstairs to search for any damage and for Deprived but found nothing. Absolutely nothing. Starting to get concerned, he went back downstairs and did a quick search for Deprived but found nothing there either. He stopped in his hallway. Froze. Very slowly turned to look at the door a second time. His eyes widened. Oh, no. It was only open a small crack, but…  
Logan pushed the door open and was met with a knocked over stand and a shattered vase, and mud and bits of whatever poor plant had once been alive were strewn everywhere. He nervously stepped onto the stairs and now he could hear the screaming perfectly. His face paled. He knew that tone. Oh, no. He rushed down the stairs and found Patton, Roman, and Virgil pinned in the corner being pelted with various objects from around the room. They had minor cuts and he was sure there were bruises he couldn’t see. “De-!” He cut himself off. “Lucian!”  
The miniature man turned to look at him, face red from all the screaming, and his face contorted itself into something full of pure rage. “Asshole!” He jumped off of whatever mangled furniture he was on and raced over to Logan. “Do you have any idea how long you were gone?!”  
Logan picked him up silently and held him loosely. Holding him tightly only made the injuries worse. Lucian screamed at the top of his lungs, beating Logan with all his might, scratching into him, tearing his shirt in the process.  
The three others watched in horror as Logan silently repaired the common area. He didn’t react to the beating he was receiving. He reacted only once when his tiny lookalike bit into him with suddenly razor-sharp teeth. And even then he merely flinched and continued on with the teeth still embedded in his shoulder.  
All too aware of his audience, Logan whispered almost inaudibly to Lucian as he worked. “I am well aware of how long I was gone, but that does not allow for this kind of behavior. My room is one thing, but the commons? And even worse, assaulting the others?”  
Lucian’s response was a painfully sharp-toothed bite into his shoulder. He flinched and waited for Lucian to pull back out, but Lucian did not, and so he was forced to continue nonetheless.  
He finished, Lucian still unmoving, and tried to retreat back to his room, but the stairs were blocked by all three of the others in the room. He sighed. “What?”  
Roman uttered a series of urgent sounds that portrayed a general ‘are you kidding me?!’ and Virgil just looked exasperated. Patton was the one who spoke. “Well, we just… Doesn’t that hurt?!”  
“Yes. It does. Now if-” He groaned and reached around to pry Lucian out of his shoulder with one hand, cradling the now crying man against him. “If you wouldn’t mind, I was on my way to finish repairing the commons-” he gestured to the top of the stairs- “and return to my domain.”  
Roman scoffed. “Uh, yeah right you’re just gonna leave after that!”  
“What would you rather I do? Stay so he can destroy something else? Or someone else?” Logan gestured vaguely to the cuts and bruises all three of them were sporting.  
For a moment the four of them were silent. Then Virgil spoke up. “Yeah, actually. So we can get an explanation.” Logan stared pointedly at the floor and said nothing. “I feel like we kinda deserve one after coming back to that.”  
“It’s not important. I’m not going to let it happen again.” He absently smoothed Lucian’s hair with a finger. Lucian was asleep already, sniffling occasionally, and that simple action usually helped him stay that way.  
Patton reached forward, hesitated, and pulled his hands back. “It’s not about the mess. Or our little cuts… How often does that happen to you?”  
Logan was shocked silent for a moment by the tearful tone. “That’s not important…”  
Patton moaned quietly. “Oh, Logan…”  
Logan stiffened, trying not to get angry. But that purely pitying tone… “I am not a child, Patton, it is merely injury. Injury that will heal. Now if you don’t mind I would like to get back to my room.”  
Patton stepped aside, head hung, and he managed to slip between Roman and Virgil and finally head back up the stairs. He was most of the way up when Virgil called after him, making him stop where he was and turn back around. “Logan, wait. I… I just, I get it. N-Not the injury stuff, but… everything else, really. The… not wanting to talk. It’s embarrassing as hell.”  
Logan stared. “I fail to see how you would understand-”  
“Because!” Virgil hesitated. “Because…”  
Patton glanced at Roman hopefully and they had a three-second silent argument. Roman sighed dramatically and flicked a hand, quickly cupping his hands against his chest to catch the mini side. “Because we have them too.”


	5. Chapter Five

Logan stared at Reagan, shocked. “You… you said ‘we’... all three of you…?”  
Roman glanced over at Patton in question and Patton answered with a nod and summoned Pax. “Wha-?! You too?!”  
Patton smiled nervously. “I really did mean to tell you, I just…”  
“No, I get it, it’s a… less-than-pleasant thing to reveal…”   
Logan, meanwhile, had to put in an active effort to keep from smiling. He admittedly was pretty flattered. Pax was staring at him, wide eyes full of wonder as if he were witnessing the northern lights for the first time. Pax looked up at his host’s face. “This is Logan…?”  
Patton chuckled nervously. “Yeah. That’s him.”  
Pax gasped and looked back at Logan with those eyes and Logan had to clear his throat and change the subject to keep from smiling or blushing or some other horrific response. “Um, Roman said ‘we’, and he clearly was not aware of Patton’s… aspect, so… Virgil, do you…?”  
“Yup, me too…” Virgil glanced around, realizing what was obviously being expected of him. He sighed. “Okay, fine!” He flicked his hand and Veeran appeared sitting on his shoulder  
Before anyone could react, Veeran stood up, grabbed a chunk of Virgil’s hair, and hung off, balancing with only half a foot still on Virgil’s shoulder, putting all of his weight on the one hand. He gasped dramatically, but Virgil interrupted him with a groan. “Ow, Veer! Off!”  
Instead of listening, Veeran pointed dramatically. “You’re Logan! I haven’t met you yet!” He let out a scream. Or, more accurately, an excited squeal. “Damn, I’ve been waiting for this! Yes! Uh, hi! Veeran!” He swung back and forth a bit, still hanging off of Virgil’s hair. “I’m Veeran!”  
Virgil groaned again. “Okay! Enough!” He grabbed Veeran around the waist and pulled him away, but he refused to let go. He smacked his arm with two fingers, but still nothing. Virgil groaned again, face bright red as he nervously chanced a glance at the others. “Veeran, I swear if you don’t-”  
Logan cleared his throat, interrupting. “If I may?” Virgil rolled his eyes and stared firmly at the ground, but stopped pulling. “Veeran, you said your name was?” Veeran stopped moving immediately, staring at Logan with wide eyes and nodding. “Alright, Veeran, what is it you want? Something to do with me?” Veeran grinned wide and nodded. “What is it that you want with me?”  
Veeran glanced around, hesitating. “Y-You’re mad, aren’t you?”  
“No. I am not mad. Whatever answer you give me will not change that.”  
“Um… okay… then… I wanna talk?”  
Logan nodded and held a hand out for Veeran to step on to, his other hand still cupped under Lucian. “On one condition. You’ll have to let go.” Veeran hesitated. He looked back at the handful of hair he was clutching, at Virgil’s pained expression. Finally, he sighed and let go in favor of hopping over to Logan’s outstretched hand. “Is this not a better alternative?”  
“Sure, fine. You’re right.” He rolled his eyes and started climbing, and Logan was unable to stop him, having his other hand occupied by Lucian.  
“Veer, come on! I’m not afraid to make you go sit in our room alone.”  
But Logan merely held up a hand. “No, it’s quite alright. Nothing I’m not…” He sighed and glanced down at Lucian. “Used to.”  
Veeran finally settled on top of Logan’s head, legs crossed, and gripping a bit of Logan’s hair for support. Virgil hung his head, somehow looking yet more embarrassed. “At least let go of his hair…”  
Logan glanced up as best he could without moving his head. “Oh, he’s not pulling. It is merely a safety precaution, I assume.”  
Virgil uttered a noncommittal sound and looked away, bringing a hand up and biting at a thumb nail. Roman hesitated a moment before going up the stairs, and Logan glanced behind him uneasily and then followed, leaving just Patton, Pax, and Virgil. Patton smiled at him, gentle but stern. “What did we talk about about letting yourself be a little vulnerable?”  
Virgil rolled his eyes. “I was plenty vulnerable! A lot, actually! The fact that I summoned him at all was insanely vulnerable! And in front of all three of you, and when Logan didn’t know about him! And now I’ve literally just let Logan walk off with him?! Not able to control a thing he does now?! Yeah, I would call that really fuckin’ vulnerable! I mean, I…” He sighed. “I’m sorry, fine. For yelling. But I mean it.”   
Patton nodded silently, looking embarrassed with himself. Virgil could see Pax hiding his face in Patton’s chest, shoulders shaking just slightly, and he suddenly felt guilty for reacting like he did. “Look, I just mean… This… isn’t an easy thing for everyone, okay? This is kind of a huge, huge deal, so… it’s gonna take… a lot of effort, from everyone.”  
Patton nodded again. “Okay… I’m sorry.”


	6. Chapter Six

It had been almost two weeks since then, and Patton was pretty sure he was finally ready to present his idea to the others. He was insanely nervous.  
He’d had the idea for a while, but Pax had been doing an excellent job of making sure he knew exactly how the others would most definitely turn his idea down. He’d gotten the idea two days after they discovered Lucian. The idea itself actually came from something Virgil had said to him that day. “It’s gonna take… a lot of effort, from everyone.” From everyone. All four of them. Which included him.  
All four of them would equally have to put in the effort and be willing to be vulnerable. And that’s where he got the idea from. A way for them all to be really vulnerable with each other, a way for them all to understand each other more. But, being that it did involve being very vulnerable he was worried that the others wouldn’t agree to it. Not to mention he was worried about doing it at all.   
He felt really conflicted about it, because he knew that now that everyone’s secrets were out, they would have to adjust, so he knew this would be good for them. But he also really didn’t want to do this. Just like he was quite sure none of the others would want to either. It would good for them all to learn to be vulnerable with each other, but it would also be very difficult for all four of them.  
But this way at least, they would all be sacrificing equally so no one would have to feel like he was being more vulnerable than anyone else. Still, he was beyond nervous as he knocked on each door, asking them all to come down to the common area, and now he was sitting on the couch, bouncing one leg as he waited for them to come down.  
Doors opening and closing. Footsteps. He didn’t have to wait long. They came down one after the other, and then they were all there in the living room Patton wasn’t saying a word. Logan graciously broke the heavy silence.,”Patton, I assume you wanted us all here for a reason?”  
“Y-Yes! I’ve been thinking about this for… a while, and… I had an idea. But I’m not sure everyone’s gonna like it… I kinda don’t… I really don’t… But I feel like it would be good for us!”  
Virgil glanced around. “I already don’t like where this is going... Uh, an idea about what?”  
“Oh! Right! Well, it’s about… it’s about our… insecurities. I know we haven’t talked about it at all since we met…”  
Patton glanced at Logan in question and Logan answered in a quiet mumble. “Lucian.”  
“Yeah! Well, I know we haven’t talked about them since we met Lucian, but I doubt I’m the only one who’s felt the difference. We’ve all been kinda nervous and defensive a bit since… everyone met everyone… And I wanna fix that! So, I was thinking, and I thought we really needed some way to work through some of this where we all have to put in the same amount of…”  
Roman glanced at him. “Vulnerability…?”  
“Yes! So…” Patton took a deep breath. “So, my idea was that... that-”  
“Wait.” That was Logan. “If this involves our… aspects, should we not have them all… here? Otherwise, you’ll need to explain your idea twice.”  
“Well, if you think that’s best. I just didn’t wanna get anyone excited if… if not everyone agrees to go on with it.”  
Logan nodded slowly. “I suppose that’s a valid concern…”  
Patton was silent for a long moment until Virgil nervously prompted him to go on. “Um, yeah. My idea was that… we would kinda take turns taking care of each other’s lookalikes. Like we would pretty much trade with each other so we would all have each other’s, and then we would trade again, and go like that until we’ve each had a chance with everyone else’s sub-sides. Because that way we could get to know each other better and get to understand each other’s insecurities without having to get together and talk about it, since I know talking about it with everyone, while everyone’s here… can be kinda overwhelming. And…” He looked at them all one by one, nervously chewing on his bottom lip.  
They were all silent. Logan was avoiding eye contact, face red and expression embarrassed. Virgil was looking straight down, chewing on a thumb nail and purposely letting his bangs hang over his eyes. Roman was looking to the side, one hand covering his mouth strategically, disguised as if he were simply leaning on the hand. But Patton knew he was nervous, scared even. Patton himself could feel his heart racing at the thought of actually following through with this. But he couldn’t give up now. “I think… It would be really good for us. And I think it would be really good for them too. It’d be really hard, but… I think it might make us all feel better. And if we tried and found any of us just couldn’t do it, well, we could always switch back… This wouldn’t mean it’d be permanent. So… I just think we should… just try…”  
They all nodded or gestured or acknowledged him in some way but otherwise didn’t respond, and so they were all silent again. Patton looked down and fiddled with his fingers. “I… I’m scared too. I’m really scared… I don’t really wanna do this, but… I don’t like that we’ve all felt so… so… far away! So… closed off, and separated… I don’t want Thomas to get affected by our separation…”  
They glanced at each other hesitantly and finally, someone spoke up. “You know what, fine. I’m willing to try.”  
Patton’s eyes widened and he looked up at Virgil, who was all-but-glaring at the floor. “R-Really?!” He definitely hadn’t expected Virgil to be the one to agree to this. Not that he didn’t think he could, he just… didn’t think he’d be the one to speak up first, or… It felt so out of character for him!  
Virgil just shrugged in answer. “That’s what I said, so… Unless you don’t think I should…”  
“No, no! I still think it’s a good idea! I just… wasn’t expecting anyone to actually agree to it. It’s not gonna be easy. For any of us. So I’m really proud that you’re willing to try! And, Roman, Logan, if you aren’t okay with it, I completely understand.”  
Everyone hesitated. Everyone had something to say, but no one wanted to be the one to speak. Not surprisingly, Roman was the one to speak. Surprisingly, though, he spoke in a low, quiet voice with his head hung, face turned away and his voice a tiny bit higher-pitched than was normal. “Well, i-if… if V-Virg-gil can… can try, then… th-then so can I!”  
Patton finds a grin splitting over his face at the tone. He’s scared. No, he’s more than scared. He’s terrified. But he’s gonna try anyway! For the sake of them, and for Reagan, and hopefully for himself. “That’s great!”  
“Yes. That is… quite the act of courage from you.” Patton looked over at Logan. “And…” Roman and Virgil looked over at him as well. The three of them were shocked to find Logan’s face locked into a stiff, unmoving expression that would have made him look indifferent if it weren’t for his rapid blinking and the fact that his entire lower jaw was shaking ever-so-slightly. “And, I… I will attempt to participate as well.” His voice raised in an odd crack at the last word and he flinched at his own tone, turning away from them.  
Patton smiled at him in a way he hoped was comforting despite his own fear. “Logan, I am… I’m so proud of you!”  
Logan hesitated, then answered, his voice jumping out quick and choppy. “I… okay. Shall we summon our aspects and explain the situation now?”  
They glanced at each other and then Virgil cleared his throat. “Maybe… maybe we all need some time to go tell them ourselves? And then we’ll… meet back up here in the morning?”  
Roman and Logan both looked over at Patton questioningly, and then Patton realized Virgil was looking at him the same way. They wanting him to answer. “Oh, um… that sounds great, actually! So, we’ll… meet back here first thing in the morning to switch?”  
The three nodded at him and sunk out, and Patton was frozen in shock for a few minutes before copying them and sinking out into his own room.


End file.
